i am no good at conveying emotion - unless it is written somewhere safe, where i don't have to talk about it or deal with the consequences.
i won't be locking my diary anymore.
sometimes i just start to freak out because i become aware of who reads this, and i don't like for people i actually know to be inside my head. it makes me really uncomfortable for a while.
i also sometimes feel myself holding things back that i'd actually like to get out, and i do that for this very reason. if there is even the slightest possibility that we'll be in the same place on any given saturday night, i don't want you knowing what i think about or how i feel. it's just too close for comfort.
but that all stops now.
i don't know exactly what i mean by that, but i mean it.