not today.
*
since when is my mom jewish?
friday we're on our way to kentucky, and she says, "aunt kim is bringing someone special for you to meet..." and starts looking at me in the rear view mirror in this weird way i have only ever seen on tv. it's a look given by psychotic, jewish mothers who want their 20-something daughter to meet a nice doctor to settle down with. it's a look i never in a million years expected to have my mother give me. but she did.
she was absolutely ridiculous, and now that i've told the story to matt, and realized just exactly how out of charcter this was for my mother, i've started wondering if she's been smoking something funny.
so my aunt's guitarist from nashville came to the jam session. he's 28, and my mother and aunt were hellbent on setting us up with eachother.
at one point, while he was singing and playing guitar (and everyone was going crazy because he was fucking good), this lady says across the room to my mother, "is that yr so-in-law?!" and my mom, to my horror, crosses both sets of fingers, holds them up in the air, and says back, "i'm hoping!"
thank you, i'd like to crawl under the table now.
suffice it to say, even if i had desired to speak to him, it wasn't gonna happen. my mother had embarassed me beyond all possible definitions of the word.
THEN. when she went up to sing, he was standing next to her playing guitar, and she starts pointing to him, and motioning towards him with her eyes, raising her eyebrows, and mouthing, "saraaahhh..."
keep in mind this is all being captured on video for me to relive for the rest of my life.
my cousin said he didn't think the guy looked like my type, and i said, "thank you. he's not." to which my mom replied, "what? tall, nice, HOT, talented, and rich are not yr type?"
guess not.
she also tried selling me on the fact that he's a carpenter which she knows i always find sexy as hell. i have to admit though, when he started singing, he became ten times hotter to me. he actually reminded me of john orth. aahhhh.
but that still doesn't mean that when he stood right next to me, making his way into my conversation, i was gonna talk to him.
no. instead, i turned, and walked away.
thanks, mom.
[it should be noted that despite this completely out of character episode, my mother still kicks more ass than any other lady, ever. it's important to humiliate yr children from time to time. keeps them grounded.]